is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
