Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
