dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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