hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
two words...techno handjob
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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