i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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