I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do herpes really smell.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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