I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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