theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
