shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sobbing to NWA
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
