But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
