your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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