you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
as a side note pls kill me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
