my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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