It's like God shit irony all over that family
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
