Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize