Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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