Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
