Whats the glycemic index on semen?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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