He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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