Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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