Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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