Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
