At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
