you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
