Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
