Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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