my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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