I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
