Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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