i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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