Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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