the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
