I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
