rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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