Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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