i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This baby is an asshole
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
