yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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