im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
