i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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