I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
