can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
