I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
