Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
