I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
porn star boner night. come get it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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