Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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