ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize