It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
