Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
