I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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