We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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