I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
