i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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