are you so shy because you have an std?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
