Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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