I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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