so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize