Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
