tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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