I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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