If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
