Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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