I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
